Titanic meets The Haunting in this tale of a salvage crew that discovers a seemingly deserted luxury liner still drifting at sea forty years after it mysteriously disappeared. Although the film teases with a clever opening (which easily qualifies as one of the most gleefully gruesome in recent memory), the action quickly reverts to standard horror-flick frivolity. Ignoring the trickling blood and eerie echoes of long-dead passengers, the crew (led by Gabriel Byrne, Julianna Margulies, and Ron Eldard) decides the best way to explore the spooky ship is, naturally, to split up. One by one, they venture into its bowels, only to be butchered by an unseen bogeyman. The scares aren’t terribly scary, but those looking for cheap thrills won’t be disappointed. Anyone hoping for more, however, is likely to come up wet.

Grade: B-

Kinsey Scale: 1 (Although Margulies played a lesbian in What’s Cooking? and Ron Eldard was in Bastard Out of Carolina, based on lesbian novelist Dorothy Allison’s book, the only reference to homosexuality here is a slur about the sexual preferences of Navy men.)