Fall Movie Preview

Summer’s over. Time to hang up your sarong, put away your Speedo, and start thinking about entertaining yourself indoors. Luckily for you, Hollywood’s been working overtime while you’ve been lounging on the beach. Meaning there are, on average, nine movies opening on any given week through the end of the year. And not just the ones with teenaged sorcerers and hairy-footed elves, either. So when the inevitable cabin fever sets in (you can only nest for so long, you know), chances are there’ll be a movie you want to see showing at your local multiplex. With so much to choose from, the only problem you’ll have is deciding what to see first. To help you out, we’re sharing our list of must-sees.

September

The Banger Sisters (September 20)

Former groupies Susan Sarandon and Goldie Hawn search for meaning in their grownup lives. Hey, older girls wanna have fun, too.

HX Says: Thelma and Louise on tour? We’re in.

Secretary (September 20)

Masochistic typist Maggie Gyllenhaal serves more than coffee to her domineering boss, James Spader.

HX Says: Shackles, spankings and steno – oh my!

Sweet Home Alabama (September 27)

The only thing keeping New York fashion designer Reese Witherspoon from marrying the man of her dreams (Patrick Dempsey) is her husband back home (Josh Lucas).

HX Says: We’d gladly follow Reese anywhere. Alabama, here we come.

Hush! (September 27)

A gay Japanese couple asks a female friend to have their baby. Complications ensue, in the form of 2000 years of Japanese tradition.

HX Says: Why should it be any easier in Japan than it is in Florida?

October

All the Queen’s Men (October 4)

Based on actual events, Matt LeBlanc and Eddie Izzard star as WWII soldiers who don drag to infiltrate a German factory.

HX Says: Despite our doubts, we’re game. It’s not like gay war flicks come along every day.

Red Dragon (October 4)

Anthony Hopkins returns as homicidal homo Hannibal Lecter in this prequel to 1991’s The Silence of the Lambs. Ed Norton, Ralph Fiennes, Emily Watson and Philip Seymour Hoffman round out the cast.

HX Says: We’ll try our best not to wonder why Lecter looks ten years older than he did the first time around.

Hell House (October 4)

This documentary examines a Halloween haunted house sponsored by a conservative Texas church and created to scare people onto the straight and narrow path. With depictions of gory deaths due to drugs and alcohol and a gay teen dying of AIDS, the emphasis is definitely on the “straight.”

HX Says: This would be hilarious if it weren’t so gosh darn horrifying.

White Oleander (October 11)

After killing her boyfriend, Michelle Pfeiffer loses her daughter (Alison Lohman) to a string of foster mothers, including Renee Zellweger and Robin Wright Penn.

HX Says: Oprah loved the book; that’s good enough for us.

His Secret Life (October 11)

A widow discovers her dead husband had something going on the side. Something named Mike. Directed by Ferzan Ozpetek (Steam: The Turkish Bath).

HX Says: It’s never too late to come out of the closet…

The Rules of Attraction (October 11)

This adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’ novel features plenty of sex, drugs and, of course, violence.

HX Says: James Van Der Beek jerking off, selling coke and kissing Thomas Ian Nicholas? Where do we line up?

Frida (October 25)

Salma Hayak in the life of unibrowed painter Frida Kahlo, complete with alcoholism, infidelity, and bisexuality.

HX Says:  Let’s hope Broadway’s Lion King director Julie Taymor can work the same magic with live actors that she did with puppets.

Swept Away (October 18)

Guy Ritchie directed Madonna in this remake of a 1957 film about a megabitch and a fisherman marooned on a desert island.  Can somebody say “typecasting”?

HX Says: Did we mention it stars Madonna?

Jackass the Movie (October 25)

Johnny Knoxville promises plenty of penises.

HX Says: ‘Nuff said.

The Ring (October 28)

Mulholland Drive vixen Naomi Watts stars in this freaky thriller about a videotape that causes death seven days after watching it.

HX Says: Some Mark Dalton videos have the exact same effect.

Friends and Family (October TBD)

Screwball comedy about a gay couple that work as mafia hit men, featuring our very own Flotilla DeBarge in the role of “Drag Queen”.

HX Says: We’re keeping our fingers crossed for you, Flotilla.

November

Far From Heaven (November 8)

Queer director Todd Haynes reteams with Julianne Moore in this stylized homage to 1950’s moviemaking about a philandering housewife and her gay-curious husband (Dennis Quaid).

HX Says:  With Julianne, we’re always ready for more, more, Moore.

Talk to Her (November 22)

Pedro Almodovar’s touching look at loss and obsession, about a pair of men and the comatose women they love.

HX says: Trust us – you don’t want to miss the scene with the giant vagina.

Phone Booth (November 15)

In this latest from gay director Joel Schumacher, Collin Farrell stars as a man who’ll be shot if he hangs up the payphone he’s holding.

HX Says: Let’s hope he’s not paying by the minute…

Personal Velocity (November 22)

Parker Posey, Kyra Sedgewick and Fairuza Balk star in three short stories about three very different women dealing with three very difficult dilemmas.

HX Says: Posey’s rosy, but Sedgewick steals the show.

December

Adaptation (December 6)

The newest from director Spike Jonze is as hard to describe as his last, Being John Malcovich. But with Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep and Maggie Gyllenhaal on board, you know you’re in good hands.

HX Says: If it’s even half as inspired as Malcovich, we’ll be happy.

The Chambermaid (December 13)

A lowly hotel maid (Jennifer Lopez) falls for a penthouse playboy (Ralph Fiennes).

HX Says: We’re willing to forget Angel Eyes and Enough. But J-Lo, this one better be good.

Chicago: The Musical (December 25)

You know the story. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellweger, Richard Gere and John C. Reilly star.

HX Says: We’re not sure about all of the casting, but Queen Latifah as Mama Morton? Brilliant!

Nicholas Nickleby (December 25)

The first big-screen adaptation of the Dickens classic in over 50 years stars Nathan Lane, Alan Cumming, Barry “Dame Edna” Humphries and Charlie Hunnam (of the British Queer as Folk).

HX Says: Is the world ready for this much lavender in one movie?

The Hours (December 27)

Billy Elliot director Stephen Daldry helms this adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize-winning, post-gay novel by Michael Cunningham.

HX Says: Julianne Moore as a suicidal housewife. Meryl Streep as a lesbian. Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf. We’re dizzy just thinking about it.

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